feeling faint....

do you ever feel like giving up?

on getting up, on moving forward? do you ever just lack the will?
and i'm not just talking about etsy. life on this earth in general can be a living hell.
so often feelings don't match up with the facts.
sometimes emotions hit you like a train barreling at a speed far too fast.
and it's so hard to separate what's legitimate and what's foolishness. i've got supportive people in my life, i've got soo much, i've been given more than enough but still i'm beaten down.
i'm not playing with a full deck right now so my emotions are ALL over the place. it's all i can do to hang on. the negative thoughts can be so dang invasive. in the front of my mind i know it's vital to keep the mentality of "this will pass" and "push forward"...... but what happens when lose your grip on these thoughts? i feel like i'm fumbling around for something in a pitch-black room- and on top of that i think i'm looking in the wrong room.
i feel like i've just come undone.
thank you EVERYONE for your support, for your CONSTANT friendship and encouragement, for the time you spend writing me a note here and there. for your life-giving love. i get overwhelmed when i can't pour out a fraction of what you've all given me. again, i stop and remind myself- that if i weren't me, and i was looking in on my situation i would tell me, don't worry- that's what friends are for. but we are always 10 times harder on ourselves right?
some photos- some old old old old photos.
(for the Anonymous person who keeps emailing me and telling me how i need to think about others and that i'm pouting and there are people more talented out there- please- just leave me alone. you don't know me, you only know what i choose to share on here and other places on the web- you only know a sliver of my life, of what i've been through, of the whole picture. so i beg you- please, just leave me be. hate me and think all the negative thoughts you want but do not share them with me. it's unbearable)