Wednesday, December 3, 2008

creative machine incapable of repaying.....

here's to everyone... buyers, sellers, browsers, addicts
how it feels on the inside- which is numb....

i saw a woman last weekend at my father's surprise 50th birthday party (daddy if you are reading this, i love you and cherish every moment we share together). both she and her husband have played a huge encouraging roll in my endevour to further my photography business (my other job alongside luggagemania). i inevitably had 3 pieces of my luggage so the questions came. and my gushing followed. over etsy and how it's changed my life etc. a few days later i received an email from her. she had checked out my shop and coined me as "a creative machine"

no doubt it was a compliment but it struck a chord. staring at that phrase i felt like i had the machine part down, but the creative part was lost in the woods. i decided it was time to go searching for that part that makes us artists tick- that creativity we thrive on.....
well, my trip got completely ripped to shreds!

last night, or rather morning, at 2am i found myself on the floor of my workspace in a pile of tape and shipping labels, my hands covered in permanent marker and i was gone. after packing up 13 pieces of luggage in the past 24 hours i could barely remember my name. right now, as i write this incoherent ramble, i'm thinking about that creative drive.... how to get it back, how to be less of a machine? i'm not in need of answers...... i know they will come. i'm in need of balance..... but that too will come.

be creative- keep it up kids
don't be a machine.

now i am going to finish poster-sketching my treasury- which is painful at this point because i have left soooo many INCREDIBLY TALENTED ARTISTS out- for that i am sad- i am more than sad. how did this happen? how did i get to a point where i feel so incapable of EVER even coming close to repaying all those who have made me a part of their cube? i returned from picking up my dear friend from the airport to see that i had 13 new convos- none of which i have been able to return. it's left me feeling cold.

and tonight, in florida, it's actually cold enough where you can see your breath in white puffs against the black sky.

i am so incredibly thankful and so incredibly incapable.
i'm holdin' on to what i know.
and that is how i will get by tonight
and tommorow
and the next day.....

5 comments:

  1. Gail Brown3/12/08 5:48 AM

    Wow, Rachel, not only are you an incredible artistic and creative individual in the things you create...but you have a way of expressing the english language that blows my mind!
    Don't ever stop...creating, photographing, writing...and doing that for which you do...
    WOW!

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  2. Awwwww. Hang in there! Can you take a day and mostly unplug? If you have to fill orders, fill them, but turn off the computer for the most part, make a cup of great tea, take a breather. You can find that calm, creative place again - easier than you think! You just need to give it space to breathe, to think, to run free.

    Although I'm not yet THAT successful (13 orders - awesome!), I am preparing for a craft show this weekend and it's left me feeling similarly. Overwhelmed by details, just pushing forward, operating off a list of To-Dos, working until I'm falling over I'm so tired. I'm excited to do the show - but also happy when it's over and I can resume Christmas shopping and working on new ideas.

    Hang in there, Rachel! Put on some warm socks, don't feel cold!

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  3. Hello. Love your blog and etsy shop!

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  4. the answer my friend is blowing in the wind or perhaps it is right in front of you. let me give you a hint. it starts with a b and ends in an e and it can proceed the word beam.

    congrats to all your deserving success. Remember to congratulate yourself ever now and again. In general, people do not like it when machines breakdown. :D

    xo and balance

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  5. hi! It is so nice to read a little about you and know the person behind the luggage with the artistic flair! You are like all of us on holidays overwhelmed and undernourished and its so great to read your blog and see that you take time for yourself by writing.. I have 2 stores as you know and often feel that I too am leaving taleted people out of the treasury that should be in but heh there is always the next one... I want to give you a pat on the back from way over here in Arizona... where its cold as can be but warm inside... Oh yeah... remembering as I read how tired you were when you were packing up all your suitcases(how the heck do you do it? and I moan about shipping a photo?) that here we all are in this great big world trying to tie every loose thread together and still keep our creative side.... so good to know I am not alone on this! Big hugs for the new year! and yes... sooo glad christmas is over.. I have 10 brothers and sisters, 4 grandkids and i made almost all of them something this year... last time! but it was fun while I did it and forced a bit of creativity outame!
    all the best.. maclancy/photopaint
    marianne

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