creative machine incapable of repaying.....

here's to everyone... buyers, sellers, browsers, addicts

how it feels on the inside- which is numb....

i saw a woman last weekend at my father's surprise 50th birthday party (daddy if you are reading this, i love you and cherish every moment we share together). both she and her husband have played a huge encouraging roll in my endevour to further my photography business (my other job alongside luggagemania). i inevitably had 3 pieces of my luggage so the questions came. and my gushing followed. over etsy and how it's changed my life etc. a few days later i received an email from her. she had checked out my shop and coined me as "a creative machine"

no doubt it was a compliment but it struck a chord. staring at that phrase i felt like i had the machine part down, but the creative part was lost in the woods. i decided it was time to go searching for that part that makes us artists tick- that creativity we thrive on.....

well, my trip got completely ripped to shreds!

last night, or rather morning, at 2am i found myself on the floor of my workspace in a pile of tape and shipping labels, my hands covered in permanent marker and i was gone. after packing up 13 pieces of luggage in the past 24 hours i could barely remember my name. right now, as i write this incoherent ramble, i'm thinking about that creative drive.... how to get it back, how to be less of a machine? i'm not in need of answers...... i know they will come. i'm in need of balance..... but that too will come.

be creative- keep it up kids

don't be a machine.

now i am going to finish poster-sketching my treasury- which is painful at this point because i have left soooo many INCREDIBLY TALENTED ARTISTS out- for that i am sad- i am more than sad. how did this happen? how did i get to a point where i feel so incapable of EVER even coming close to repaying all those who have made me a part of their cube? i returned from picking up my dear friend from the airport to see that i had 13 new convos- none of which i have been able to return. it's left me feeling cold.

and tonight, in florida, it's actually cold enough where you can see your breath in white puffs against the black sky.

i am so incredibly thankful and so incredibly incapable.

i'm holdin' on to what i know.

and that is how i will get by tonight

and tommorow

and the next day.....