THIS IS HOW YOU ARE

tonight i went rollerblading while my brother rode his trick bike bike beside me. we both had our ipods on and the summer night here in florida was just right. the air blew off the water in every kind of perfect way as the sun set. i wanted to be 14 again but then i didn't. i didn't want to be 29 either. i was listening to yes, i will admit it, alanis morissette's jagged little pill. you know when you hear songs for the first time at a new age? like where was Mary Jane when i was young? i knew it was sad but nothing in it rang too true as the angst and screaming we could all belt out on our way to school or in my best friends basement.
there was this line in the song.....
"Are you happy
Please don't censor your tears"
it just kept playing on a loop in my head.
i don't know why and i'm not going to analyze it. i'm so sick of analyzing these days. i don't like to brush things under the rug but when you feel like emotional garbage and you know you just have to wait it out, well, what's the point in analyzing? it just makes the awfulness more severe.
emotions.
i feel out of breath, i feel like i'm fading.
can't i just stay in my brother's room watching tv shows on dvd, drawing, ignoring all of etsy and why this and why that?
i think i want to walk right off this chair.....